Chiquito Guapo Handsome Chiquito
Mi Chiquito, si estas en los cielos, My Chiquito, if you are in heaven,
Santo loquito danos consuelo, Foolish little saint give us consolation,
Perdon, y olvidate bandidito, Forgiveness, and forget little bandit,
De tantos dolores, hermanito： So much pain, little brother:
De cinchos, noches solas y frias, Belts, cold and lonely nights,
De hambres, ambulancias, y pastillas, Hunger, ambulances, and pills,
De grupos, cuilias, y malos dias. Groups, cops, and bad days.
Mi Chiquito, si estas en el cielo, My Chiquito, if you are in heaven,
Santo loquito de mi desvelo Foolish little saint of my weeping
Lloron: acordate, angel gordito, Vigil: Remember, chubby angel,
Lindo y bellisimo guanaquito: Lovely and most beautiful Salvadoran:
De videos, casinos, jalones Videos, casinos, pulls
De barbita, de Osaka, y canciones, Of your chin, of Osaka, and songs,
Caldos, futbol, feliz ocasiones. Soups, soccer, happy occasions.
Fanchi lindo, si estas en el cielo, Lovely Fanchi, if you are in heaven,
Con angelitas mirando al suelo, With lady angels looking down,
Cuida tus bichitas, Miguelito, Take care of your lady bugs, Miguelito,
Vela por Luis y tu peloncito. Watch over Luis and your little baldie.
Chiquito guapo: Estas en mi cielo, Handsome Chiquito: You are in my heaven,
Y cada dia sin ti es un duelo. And each day without you is a challenge.
Chiquito guapo: Handsome Chiquito:
Te cuento que aqui nada esta bien. Let me tell you that here nothing is fine.
Notes About My Poem
The beginning of the Lord's Prayer in Spanish: "Padre nuestro que estas en los cielos, santificado sea tu nombre...". In English it goes like this: "Our Father, who are in heaven, holly be your name..."
The first two verses of this poem are similar to the Lord's Prayer because my brother was a devout Christian. He went to church regularly and had Bibles and other Christian books at home. He also took Bible classes and prayed before meals. When he came to Japan for the second time in 2009, he wore that t-shirt in the picture above; he gave it to me when he went back to San Diego and he insisted that I wear it.
Chico and Fanchi are nicknames for Francisco. I called him Chiquito, which is the diminutive form of Chico and it conveys tenderness. He used to say "olvidate" (forget it) when he made mistakes, and "acordate" (remember) very seriously when we couldn't remember something he remembered. My brother was very handsome, so I called him "Chiquito guapo" (handsome little Chico), and when he did bad things or wouldn't listen to my advice, I called him "bandidito" (bandit) and he used to call me that too.
The "lady angels" are my grandmother Mama Toya, Mom Rosa (she used to call him "Fanchi lindo"), and my two nieces Anita and Audry, who died in a car accident in 1992. Chico used to call my younter sister, "la bichita" (the little bug). When my nieces were little, he used to help out by walking them home from school. He also bought them food or sweets often. Chico used to tenderly call Gregoria's husband Steve , "Miguelito".
My brother used to call me "mi peloncito" (my little baldie). When I pulled on by brother's chin, it made him very happy. He even asked me to do it when we saw each other on Skype!
After he died, we found a note in his apartment with the words, "Guillermito lindo, bellisimo" (most beautiful and lovely little Guillermo). He always used to tell me, "everything here is fine", when I called him. He also used to write it in email messages. He didn't want me to worry about him. For me, life without my brother is not the same, so "here nothing is fine".
My brother attended group therapy meetings weekly at a San Diego hospital. He had to take medication for his mental illness daily, and he didn't like that. He told me several times that he didn't like having to go to meetings. The staff and patients at the hospital, however, said that he was always kind, friendly, and courteous. Even the van drivers who picked him up remember him fondly. My brother touched hearts wherever he went.
Sometimes, when he didn't feel well, he thought the police was looking for him and his paranoia was stronger when he was off his medication. He went to the hospital by ambulance on several occasions.
His long-time best friend in San Diego was a very kind man by the name of Luis. He remembers that Chico used to love "caldo de res" (beef soup).
In this poem I ask my brother for forgiveness because I wish I could have done more to help him. However, I will never forget how happy we were to have each other and how much fun we had together.